isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
