My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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