it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
