all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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