The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
