Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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