i think my tv is drunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
