Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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