eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
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Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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