just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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