Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
