I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
