i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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