On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
