I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
