I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
