Christians are straight up FREAKS
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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