I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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