He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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