ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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