I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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