what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize