he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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