i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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