P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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