Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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