We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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