No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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