Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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