You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
