hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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