i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
