Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize