just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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