My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
