remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
