Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
