I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
