Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
