Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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