Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
