He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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