If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
