last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
