that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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