dude i'm inner monologue high
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
