Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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