Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
