Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my being single is dangerous.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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