Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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