if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
