Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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