My liver just broke up with me...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
