He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
