i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
