He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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