there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
