my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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