We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
