he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
